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Friday, January 5, 2018

Random BS Strikes Again

Random BS strikes again:
- I am baffled as to how random, untrue and ridiculous opinions about me are formed 🤔
- Listen child, *clears throat* when you've near and dear ones as your unauthorized PR liasons, is it any wonder that random opinions about you are floating around?🙃


Dark humour on people's need to give and seek validation:
Serial killer - I got the urge to kill again but somehow I stopped myself from killing today.
Psychologist - You are brave to have overcome the urge. There, there (pat pat)... you are a strong-willed person. Kudos to you for trying.


The season of capitalism is here. Kidding... Ho Ho Ho!
Every time a Secret Santa asks me, "What does my Chris Child like, what does my Chris Child want?", I am tempted to list a bunch of things that I like and pass it of as someone else's. Bwohohoho



Random BS strikes again:
- What do you mean by eggs fall under veg-food category?!
- Eggs don't bleed or have muscles/tissues, based on this logic, egg is veg.
- Outrageous! What about its potential to grow into a chicken with muscles and tissues that bleed? Doesn't that make it non-vegetarian? Also, when you consume an egg you're killing it's potential.
Later in the cafeteria to the caterer:
- Unbelievable! No egg gravy today also? Come on man!



No matter how hard we try to bury a thing of light, it's potential will outshine our efforts.


Random BS strikes again: (an old BS written during the infamous 'he said, she said' Bollywood saga)
How do you describe a twitter war? As a verbal fencing between two passive aggressive personalities 😂😂
Sample:
- What do you do when a person belittles 'someone' when in truth the barbs where aimed at you?
- 🤔 hmm... I take the mature route and post vaguely pointed status on social media. You know, because I'm an adult.


Random BS strikes again:
Before technology - Every day sounds be like chirp chirp of the birds, buzz buzz of the bees, rimjhim sirimiri of the rain, psithurism of the wind...
After technology - Every day sounds be like tweet tweet of incoming messages, buzz buzz of vibrating mobiles, beep beep of dying batteries, comic sound effects of Game Over...
P.S. Feel free to add to the above list


Random BS strikes again:
- I know the subject matter well enough to write it in my sleep.
- I think you did write it in your sleep. There are a lot of Zzzzs in the document, and the occasional snore.

Random BS strikes again:
That moment when you pay 250 bucks + GST for seafood pasta and get 1 prawn, 2 prawn, and a half of a tiny prawn amidst a small serving of macaroni 😤
I feel like Manjeet after witnessing Geet kiss Aditya and claim that they were By-The-Way friends



Random BS strikes again:
A month back on the weighing machine - 60.9 kgs
Now - 6.09 kgs
Woohoo 🎇🎆🎉 all that non-stop 'talk of dieting' for the past 30 days has worked.
Bystander - Ma'am you are facing the wrong way, you read the numbers upside down. Please don't jump on the weighing machine or you will be forcefully removed. Also, if I may suggest adding fish and spinach to your diet to boost your intelligence.



Random BS strikes again:
That moment when you are all set to bite into a perfectly made sandwich and an obnoxious person slams into you causing the sandwich to fall because they couldn't be bothered to look away from their mobile while walking in public space. Ah no, the 3-second rule doesn't apply in public space. Don't even risk it. Just trash the sandwich and hope a bird doesn't crap on the poor soul.


Random BS strikes again:
Thank you, please and sorry... Are these words taught in school or at home? Enquiring because I know few adults who need the education. Apparently, it's an outdated syllabus, you know, old school.



Random BS strikes again:
I fell victim to the Rs.199 scam in the kitchen and dining utility isles of the supermarket. Purchased many things that are not only unnecessary but also occupies a lot of space. Couldn't find an autorickshaw to drop me home given that the supermarket is only 1.5 km distance from my home. Unfortunately, I was burdened with laptop bag, handbag, and 3 Grocery bags containing breakables, perishables and of all things, a plastic bucket and stool. Understandably, after walking 300 mts, I just caved and asked a two-wheeler rider for lift till the end of the road (out of desperation, assuming that a bike is easier to escape from than a car if I am kidnapped). The woman who gave me lift was very sweet and understanding. #goodsamaritan #dontacceptliftfromstrangers


Random BS strikes again:
- Hey, remember yesterday when I was stranded in the rain and you gave me a lift?
- Yes.
- Um, hope you don't mind I threw you under the bus today.
- Not at all. That's perfectly alright, expected even. After all, 'No good deed goes unpunished.'


Random BS strikes again:
Don't worry about me not getting enough sleep. I got no kids, pets or even plants to deal with, except for an emotional roller-coaster ride to navigate


Random BS strikes again:
Heights of abandonment issues - You quit FB? How could you leave me alone on social media? Who will like and comment on my posts now?


Friend - Wanna meet up over the weekend?
Me - Lazy.
Friend - Fine, I will cook something you like, bring it over, you can eat in your bed, we can chat for 2 hours, and I will leave thinking you and I dressed up and met at a restaurant for lunch.


I just had a conversation with myself and found the joke 'I' shared so funny that 'I' laughed out loud 😂😂
Aww... Don't worry. In time, I'll get the help I need. Cuckoo. Bwahaha
The joke - "Another dark spot on my skin, sigh! What is it called? Old spot. Wait, that's not right. Age spot! That's right, age spot. Old spot is a beverage, isn't it. No, that's Old Monk. No, I mean the orange-coloured juice in a Pepsi bottle, an old popular beverage in the 90s. Ah, got it! That you fool is Gold Spot."


Some days suck, some days are fun, and some days are dull. We fight, we make up, we move on, and the cycle repeats. We have no choice but to go with flow.
I simply love this pic! My favorite night scene is chilling on the terrace with pleasant company.



Random BS strikes again!
Photography is a good hobby and an admirable skill. However, when photographers put their name on the picture in large font, it detracts from the subject. Much like Trump Towers.


Random BS strikes again!
How do you know who is your favorite?
Opportunist: Depends on what the person does for me.
Unsociable person: Depends on who annoys me the least at the moment.



Random BS strikes again!
A watched pot never boils.
Staring at your social media post won't increase the number of likes.



Random BS strikes again!
How do you know a sensible person from a moron?
Depends on whether he or she drinks beverage of any kind while watching gag reels/bloopers.



Heard of Monday Blues? Here's Saturday Truths!
Me: Watcha upto?
Friend: Just got outta shower.
Me: Ah shower. What is that?



 

FB blabber

- It's time.
- You are right. I need a break.
- Off late, your truth has lost humour and turned vicious.
- Yep! That's how you and I know, it's time to take a break from social media. Adios likes and notifications.


- You got me good. Ouch!
- Yes, I have been practising for some time now.
- Even your grip on the knife has improved.
- I had to work on the grip. Had to make sure the knife slid in easily from the back.
- Good job. Let me get you a tissue to clean up.


- Hope you have a restful night. Sleep well.
- I am glad we could catch up on our gossip, now I can sleep peacefully. Oh, wait, did I tell you about what that female did the other day...


- No, no, nooooooooooooo...
- Oh my gosh! Why are they dragging her by her feet? Look at the claw marks she is leaving on the floor. Is she being dragged to her execution?
- No. It's worse than that. They are dragging her into their drama and she wants no part of it. The poor doomed soul. Tsk Tsk.


- A person's interests can be perceived by taking a look at their mobile apps. Take you for example, you have 3 food delivery apps. What does that tell about you?
- Okay, yes, I love to eat. I spend more time eating than doing any other activity. It is second to sleeping. I admit I have put on 5 kilos in less than 2 months. But, I fail to see your point. Hold on, it's happy hour, pizzas are available for half the price. Gotta go, placing an order.


Like my dark chocolate bitter and dislike my white chocolate too sweet.
Maybe that's why it's easier to accept bitter truth than stomach insincere concern or praise served with a saccharine smile


Surreal, doing household chores like cleaning, scrubbing and dusting while classical music plays in the background. It's true that classical music is apt for the Regency Era where Beethoven Symphony no. 9 would play in the background as a rider and his horse gallop toward a looming castle on the big screen. The same music accompanying the sounds of running dirty dishes through water and doing the laundry (smh) feels surreal. Still, music of any kind transcends what's appropriate and just is. It's been a long time (2-3 years) since song lyrics moved me. Instead, instrumental music has been a strong companion for every emotion that gets out of control and every moment that feels hopeless. Some people can't see colours, likewise, it would be sad if music wasn't part of every day life. You are Blessed if you have the ability to see and hear, and those who create art and compose music are Gifted.

Thursday, January 4, 2018

My good side


Looking for validation


Foodie


Single and not ready to mingle


Insomnia


Excess luggage


No Shave November


Drivel


Ego


Company Merchandise


Firecrackers


Alarm snooze


Fake smile


Weight loss challenge


Skipping workout


Ghost in the attic


Emotional baggage


Corporate ladder


Social niceties


Favourite pair of shorts



Comic Strip


Carrier Pigeon and Postmaster